letting go. let it go.

Earlier this year, I met someone with whom I instantly connected. I thought Person X and I were so very similar. We had some of the same household goods, and fashion products, and subscribe to similar eco-friendly companies. It's been a very interesting but more so draining experience to learn that X is not at all what X showcases to the world.

I have a problem with letting go. Anxiety usually has me gripped on some level, and if I felt I've been wronged, watch out. Harboring resentment must have been inherited or something. My husband and father are two shining examples of human beings further emotionally evolved than me.

At the same time, neither of them have this dumb nurturing desire to take care of people. My 29 years have been full of helping others more than I help myself. That's kinda cool, mostly, but not when it's at a disservice to myself. Now that I've come face to face with the most selfish individual I've ever known, I don't think I can do it anymore. Not only have my kindnesses been abused, but my 6th sense is telling me that my name is being bashed by the same person I spent countless nights consoling, feeding, and sometimes holding as tears made both our torsos damp.

You know what's most amusing? Every time I notice any shared bit of information thanks to stupid Facebook from this Person, it's an obvious ploy for attention. Like, so obvious and obnoxious I've wanted to defriend X for months now, but I just can't do it. In part, it's for fear that X will say awful things about me on a public forum. It's not pleasant to roll my eyes every time I see some asinine tidbit that relatively sucks. Well, objectively it sucks, but that's the funny thing with social media: really lame people have ways of making themselves seem really cool and as if they are people of substance.

I will content myself in the truth, for it always has a way of being known. Person X can try to get in good with people who are in my life in whatever form, but the person I am, and the nature of my character, is pretty undeniable. If behaviors are repeated, and I think anyone reading this knows they are, X will burn whatever bridges X is scrambling to build now. And I know this.

If only I could let it go.

I will let it go.

After one last thing: If someone tells you they hate me and doesn't have a single good reason why and instead gets defensive OR someone gets REALLY quiet when you ask them to hang out with me, in a group, and doesn't respond, it's probably because someone knows I know him/her for what he/she truly is and does not want to be exposed.