Today is September 12th, and I have been publicly married for 11 days. (My partner and I were married on paper earlier this summer because I was scared about my health and paranoid that something would happen to me before the "big day," preventing us from having funds with which to put on any sort of shindig, so we filed for a Quaker marriage, which was really cool, because we united ourselves and had two special friends sign as our witnesses.) I anticipated that individuals would ask us the inane questions customary to newlyweds. "Does it feel different? Has anything changed?" I wanted to retort with a short, "Of course not!." Although, after giving it some thought, I realize that something has actually altered.

We lived together very soon after meeting. Our relationship was intense in that we spent every day together immediately. I knew after a number of months that  he would not give up on me, nor I on him, and we were IN THIS. Therefore, I could not fathom what might change after we exchanged vows we wrote in front of our closest friends and family.

Here's the thing: we are happier. A smile means even more to us now. Shortly before the wedding, we suffered two huge losses of life and I was not at all certain I'd be able to celebrate anything for fear that grief would grip me and not let go.

My mom battled breast cancer for 2 years but it won at the end of July. Then, our sweet, sweet pitmix baby love, who developed a mysterious lump in the back of his throat earlier in the year, a mass which biopsied as non-cancerous but would not yield to any kind of treatment, left us also. We have commemorated him in our own ways but the house seems a little empty without his dainty paws and soulful eyes peering at me from across the room.

Neither of those things could I have endured without the strength of my partner, my husband, the love of my life.

I've yet to give myself the time I need to grieve my mother's passing, but I intend to do just that, sooner than later. Right now, actually.

Here's to blogging! May it provide some catharsis and be a healthy outlet for any verbal creativity which my brain may decide to expound.