srsly

I'm not sure what it is i "have," but I never went back to work this week. I crawled out of bed long enough to journey to the doctor on Thursdsay, and he told me not to go to work Friday...

This has been kind of weird for me to have no energy to do anything but lay down. This is the longest I've been awake for days, so that must mean I'm getting better, but it just leaves me thinking about all of the things I need to accomplish.

I mean, there's always stuff for work, right? Like, a week's worth of classwork that needs to be graded... then there's those two pre-assessments that don't count for anything but still need to be accounted for... I haven't even read through half of the essays...

That's not really what I'm talking about; I'm referring to my life goals. I'm 25 now, and before I know it, I'll be 26. I've only traveled to two countries, not including islands I've visited during a cruise. I once told myself I'd visit each continent at least once! I'm really behind. I've also not started grad school. Which would be fine if I was involved in some other really cool activity or hobby that took up most of my free time. At this point in my life, I'm not sure what takes up so much of my time.

Most recently, it was just doctors' visits. Lame, right? And I guess before that it was helping my mom, either recovering from medical procedures or with her business. What about me?

When people first meet me and ask me those obligatory questions like, "What do you do for fun?" I'm really not sure how to answer them. I know I'm fun. And quirkier than most, with the exception maybe of the character, Kramer, from "Seinfeld."

Okay. Honestly... I guess it's troubling me also that I have no significant other. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure I could have several tomorrow if I really wanted to, but I don't mean just anyone. I'm a bit scared that I will never find someone who will make my heart flutter. At least for more than 2-3 months, cuz that's usually about the time I cut em off for some reason or other.

Are the people who are off and getting married really sure that they are with the ones they should love for eternity, or as long as they live, or the majority of the rest of their lives? Or is there just a point when you cave and or settle? Is it just worldly of me to even desire such a relationship? Were we meant to love just one person? R. Crumb has a really interesting relationship with his wife. It is open, and they spend certain times of the year apart. But they adore each other! Learning about their lifestyle really confused my thinking in college and, for a while, I thought fidelity was bullshit.

I'm not really sure what to believe now.

I just feel like time is running out somehow and even if and when I find someone of worth in the future, his mother will wonder why I'm single at my age, and I have no excuse. It's not that I went to some prestigious grad school or founded some not-for-profit organization that has been consuming any possible free time.

THIS is why I just wanted to move to Korea, work my silly teaching job, take some cooking classes, never have to drive anywhere, and exploit my biculturalism. But, nooooooooo! I had to be in a car accident that messed up my back and go to numerous stupid appointments and tests and FOR WHAT? In hopes of a sizeable settlement? Listen: it's more like, I can be a severe hypochondriac and I want to make sure there is nothing seriously wrong with my body.

Being sick and in bed for days can seriously warp one's mind.